What I Wish I Knew in My 20s
You guys. I’m back. And in a big way. I’ve been sitting on this post for awhile for a couple reasons: 1. I wanted to get it right and 2. I’ve been working behind-the-scenes on something really special to me – that at the end of the day, falls right in-line with the theme of this post.
Let me preface this with I’m well aware that I will look back and read this at 41 and cringe. If you’re doing life “right” you’re constantly growing and learning. So while I think I have it all figured out at that moment, somewhere in the future is a version of myself with more wrinkles and more life experience, chomping at the bit to correct my 31-year-old self. Today we are chatting about what I wish I knew in my 20s.
Here is what I wish I knew in my 20s:
ON YOUR CAREER
You’re going to graduate college and need a job. Any job. With a few filters in place, take it. Up until now you’ve accomplished very little. Hate to break it to you, but graduating college, with regular afternoon naps isn’t that hard. So break the stigma of 21-year-old entitlement and WORK. Work hard as an executive account assistant getting paid peanuts. Bust your ass. Build relationships. Become everyone’s “go-to” and then know when to walk.
The walking away part is what I’ve only recently mastered. You see, I did that first part. I once spent an entire Tuesday running around New York City snagging up Mason Pearson brushes. I worked in a Devil Wear’s Prada-esque agency and that’s the task that was passed down the totem pole. For years I was “that girl” in agencies and eventually a major corporation. I learned a lot and worked with brilliant people. For whatever reason, I didn’t learn to believe in myself.
After our first was born I walked away completely. And then I tippy toed back in with work-from-home gigs run by total girl-bosses with Project Nursery and SwatchPop!. And then it hit me. If these women trust me to move their businesses forward, why don’t I trust myself to launch my own?
This little online community could crash and burn. My design business could fall flat. But I’m going to let you in on a little secret. I’m actually a HUGE optimist. A total pessimist when it comes to little things…it’s totally going to rain on this outdoor concert, we’ll never find a parking spot, the baby’s 100 percent not going to sleep through the night, etc. But I go to bed every night with this huge sense of hope. Next week something I post will go viral. I’m going to land that one big design project that changes everything. Tomorrow is the day HGTV calls. I really think these things, people. Laugh if you must.
And THAT’s what I wish I knew in my 20s. To dream big, because tomorrow could be THE day.
ON COMPARISON
Social media was not what it is today when I was in my 20s. And I thank God for that everyday. But I’m not immune to it’s effects at 31. Comparison is the thief of joy and now we all have the highlight reels of our best friends, frenemies and old classmates at our disposal.
I’m going to keep this one short and sweet. Treat social media as you would any other substance abuse. If you can’t control yourself. If it makes you unhappy. Quit. Quit it all. My 20s went by in a flash and I was looking up. I can’t imagine how quickly that precious decade would fly for those of you lost in Instagram.
ON LOVE
I wish I knew SO many things, but they all boil down to something I posted on Instagram when our daughter was in the hospital last month. Don’t be short-sighted in relationships. Picture the long haul. And let me tell you, throw in kids and a haul it is.
Last night I watched my husband carry our girls to bed. I closed my eyes and tried to picture him sitting next to me on the couch in his apartment when we first met. It would have been impossible to predict all we’ve been through then. So at the end of the day, marriage is a total gamble. You’re putting your world in someone’s hands hoping they live up to the things they promised you on an old leather couch. And some days they’ll live up, and other days they won’t.
I’m going to say something that may be unpopular. Especially to a 20-something-year-old with stars in her eyes. I don’t believe in soul mates.
My husband had great relationships before he met me. And I made memories with others before I set eyes on him. I love that about us. A few months back we were driving around town listening to a Dave Matthews Band song. We both reflected how music has a way of taking us back in time. The lyrics and the expression on his face told me that he was remembering someone else. And that was OK with me. Because many people – his parents, brother, friends and girlfriends helped shape who he is today. I’m grateful to them all. I love that he has a past. And I love that he chose me as his future.
I feel closer to my husband because we talk about our lives – including the parts that didn’t involve each other. So as unromantic as it may seem, I don’t think we’re soulmates. I think he’s a catch that could have made a lot of women very happy. And God knows there are days when I think there are women that would treat him better. But we chose each other. And we choose each other every morning when we wake up and that right there makes my heart burst.
If you asked me 15 years ago where I’d be today, I’d said married to a military man. Because at the time, I grew up in a Navy community and that’s all I knew. If you asked me 10 years ago where I’d be today, I’d said married to a college classmate. Don’t get caught up in how you thought life would turn out. Make decisions that get you from one day to the next and keep your eyes open. You don’t want to miss the best thing you didn’t know was going to happen to you.
ON FRIENDSHIPS
The other day I was sitting around with a couple girlfriends and they were encouraging me to come to our local MOPS (Moms of Preschoolers) chapter. They’ve met wonderful like-minded women through their regular meetings and thought it would be good for me.
Want to know how I responded? I started crying and said, “I CAN’T MAKE ANY NEW FRIENDS. I’M ALREADY A SH*T FRIEND TO MY CLOSEST FRIENDS.” Mind you Bauer was throwing a temper tantrum of epic proportions at the time, but my statement was still 100 percent true.
I am exhausted. Totally spent 24 hours a day. I feel like I don’t have enough to give to my husband, to my girls, to my family…let alone a whole new group of women. BUT strong circles keep us standing in our darkest times. And while I haven’t made it to the Wednesday evening gathering, I believe whole-heartedly in the power of a “tribe”.
I made really great friends in my 20s. Some that I didn’t appreciate enough at the time. I also made friends that only loved on me when they needed something. And if I’m being honest, I’d venture to say I did some of that myself.
We only have so much to give. And when you add husbands and children into the mix, what you have left to offer shrinks substantially. So find the good ones. The friends that hold you accountable. The friends that encourage you and believe in you. Most days I don’t have time to wash my own hair, so I sure as hell don’t have time to small-talk with someone who doesn’t have my best interest at heart. Find the good eggs and love them hard. Know that seasons will come…you’ll have babies and they might not, yet. You’ll drift, but you’ll bounce back. And THOSE are the friends worth investing in. Find them in your 20s. Because you’ll most likely make big decisions in that decade. And you’ll want good friends cheering you on.
ON FINANCES
Truth is I have no business talking about this one. My husband bailed me out when we got married. I mentioned that job that paid peanuts in New York City, right? Well that landed me in a boatload of debt. I wish I could say I dug myself out as an independent woman, but it just ain’t so.
But here’s what I know now. We’re wired to think it’s never enough. Three years ago I walked through a 2,200-square-foot home in Atlanta. I specifically remembering saying I could never want for more. We could have lived there forever. It was beautiful. It was MORE than plenty. But ambition moved us to a new, bigger home. So instead of sitting pretty financially in 2,200-square-feet, we stretched our pocket books for something “better”. I absolutely love our home and it was a great move for our family. The point is, get yourself in check young. Understand what you can financially, responsibly handle and set boundaries.
ON FAITH
Get some. Believe in something. Because the world is going to throw you some blows and without believing in something bigger you may not survive them.
At the end of the day, enjoy your 20s. But know if you live that decade right, your 30s will feel like life’s just begun.
Photos by Brooke Whitney Photography.
Markie says
Love it and so true! Oh to be 20 again and know then what I know now.
Julie Gasior says
Love it!!! Loved my 20’s but loving my 30’s even more! Thanks for writing this blog !! I really enjoyed reading it and thinking back!
Meghan Basinger says
Thank you so much for reading, Julie! It was really fun to write..and I agree, the 30s are where it’s at! xoxo.
Meghan Basinger says
Thanks, Markie! It would be fun to run around 22 again, wouldn’t it? Hopefully we can at least pass some knowledge to those in that stage of life!
Emily says
I’m 23 and this post helped put things into perspective for me. Loved it! Thanks for being so honest.
Meghan Basinger says
Ah 23. Such a good year! Enjoy it and thank you for reading 🙂
Arielle says
What a great piece! I just turned 28, this was a lot of fun to read and there’s so much that I relate to. Keep writing, I love reading!
Meghan Basinger says
Thank you so much for reading! Live it up in the last years of your 20s, but your 30s will be awesome, too. xoxo.
Jaclyn says
This was an amazing post. You are such a great writer. Thanks for
sharing Meghan!
Meghan Basinger says
Thanks so much, Jaclyn. Writing is when I feel most “me”!
Meaghan says
This piece deserves to “go viral.” I really enjoyed reading this, and I would be lying if I didn’t tell you I got a bit emotional while reading. Your honest take is much appreciated, and I think that is what makes you so darn relatable. I am a big believer in telling people when you admire their work or appreciate something they have done, so keep up the good work, momma! Looking forward to seeing all of the success that is inevitably coming your way 🙂
Meghan Basinger says
Thank you so so much! Your words give me the confidence to keep writing! I really appreciate you taking the time…I know you’re a busy mommy!