Thoughts on a Third Baby
I’ve been sitting on this one for awhile. It’s a common series of questions: How did you know you were ready for kids? How did you know you were ready for a second? And finally, are you going to have a third? Each of those warrants an in-depth post, but the latter is the most pressing on my mind.
In short: we’ve always pictured three. Whether we’ll have a third or not is in God’s hands – but our family doesn’t feel complete until we’ve given it our best shot. But, our confidence in trying for a third doesn’t necessarily overshadow my fears and anxiety about having one.
To start, my original (and selfish) plan was to share this blog post when newly (like too soon to share publicly) pregnant. Misleading, eh? Welcome to social media! It just felt safer – and made me less vulnerable. But know this – I’m not pregnant. It’s National Tequila Day and I’m sitting at a bar drinking a margarita as I write this. Despite getting pregnant relatively easily with both girls, I don’t take it for granted. I will never be one of those women that says, “You know, we aren’t trying. But we aren’t preventing.” I envy those women. I’m mildly annoyed by those women. When we decide to “try” we TRY. I get a Google PhD in the menstrual cycle and give it a 110 percent each and every month. To all the other women out there that get crazy eyes once they decide to procreate – I promise you, you are in the majority.
So more into the thought process of adding a third. A third isn’t a Hail Mary pass for a boy. Like I said, three has always been the plan. From the night we holed up in a little booth a year or so into dating and dreamed up our life together. If we have a boy, GREAT! If we have a girl, we’ll be following in my parents’ footsteps – which I’m A-OK with. They’ve been married 36 years and raised three little girls who still love coming home. Sign. Me. Up.
Next, I’ll say this – one kid is hard. Two kids are really hard. I daresay the pattern continues. I’ve heard more than one friend say something to the effect, “Our marriage couldn’t handle another one.” GOD BLESS these friends. Round of applause for honesty. Babies are really taxing on a marriage, ain’t no doubt about it. Our marriage isn’t perfect, but I think I speak for both of us when I say – while children have absolutely added stress to our marriage – it’s never made us rocky. I attribute that to a patient husband and pre-marital counseling. Without knowing exactly what we were getting into, we had realistic expectations of it being a complete sh*t show.
So while we’re blessed in love and finances (here’s hoping the wedding industry simmers if we do have a third girl) – it doesn’t mean I’m feeling easy breezy about a third baby. Being pregnant was not fun for me. I had exactly two days of being carefree during my pregnancy with Bauer before I was at our doctor for regular blood-work. When that was cleared, we moved onto specialists and in-depth measurements. Bauer was born. And we were thankful. And then Kingsley started growing in my belly. But not as quick, or as big as they wanted her to. And so more specialists were seen. Things like Down-Syndrome and Dwarfism were discussed as we laid in bed at night. And then Kingsley was born. And we were thankful. My happy-go-lucky pregnancy bubble bursted awhile back and as I said to my lady-doctor the other day, I’m a different patient than I was 4.5 years ago. By round 3 it should be second-nature. Do the damn thing with your eyes closed. For me, I’m wide-eyed and terrified.
But apart from my own fears – we have no hesitations about giving our daughters another sibling. I know some worry the larger the family, the less attention each child gets – but in my eyes, the only thing stronger than a parent/child bond is a sibling one. If it wouldn’t lead to a nervous breakdown, I’d birth enough to fill a basketball court. I’d be lost without my sisters. And I don’t know that I’ve seen a stronger relationship than the one my husband has with his brother. We want that for our kids.
Would it be easier to give it some time? Wait until Bauer is 6 or 7? Hell to the YAH. But we decided a few years back to get in deep, quick. To know that sleep will be minimal during these magic years. We’ll trade in my ride for a mini-van. Travel will be sparse. And money will get tighter. But by getting down and dirty in the crazy now, we’ll watch our children experience the same general phase of life together. And one day, when they head out on their own and it’s just us again – we’ll be young enough to hole up in a little booth and dream up some more life together.
Where are you in your family’s journey? Are you done? Craving more? What’s your “golden number”? Families come in all shapes and sizes. I’d love to hear your story in the comments.
Memories captured by Alea Moore Photography.
Rose says
Love reading your blogs and seeing your instagrams! You have a beautiful family! Good luck trying for a third!
Meghan Basinger says
Thank you so much for reading! And for you kind words. xoxo.
Ali says
I love this post. We have a magic number of 3 in mind as well. My daughter turns two in November, and my heart breaks a little at the idea of having to share my heart and attention with another as we contemplate adding a second, but I know it will bring us all great joy when it happens. Sending y’all love as your family works itself out ?
Meghan Basinger says
I was nervous about how our family would change when Kingsley was born. I always felt ashamed to admit it – but let me tell you – adding another will just send your heart into overdrive! I promise you – it’s a beautiful, beautiful thing. xoxo.
Meghan says
I love this post! We are just in the beginning phases of trying for baby number 2. Like you, I didn’t have the greatest pregnancy and that has been my biggest fear/roadblocker for the second time around. Here’s to hoping that pregnancy gets easier the more you do it ☺️ Thank you for always being so real and honest! Love following your little fam!
Meghan Basinger says
Thank you for being here! And sending you prayers and positive vibes as you try to grow your family. xoxo.
jamie says
i loved this post (as i do all of them). as a new mom of 3 babies 3 and under, i completely relate to all of it. it’s definitely crazy, but watching them all together and dreaming of them growing up in the same “stage” makes it all worth it!
Meghan Basinger says
Holy cow, girl. GO YOU! 3 under 3. You’re my hero. Enjoy them. xoxo.
Emily says
I love hearing your thoughts on number three. I agree with so many of your points and I would also be lost without my siblings. Thanks you mom and dad for going with the crazy! I always think of the phrase, we plan and God laughs or however it goes. I swore I’d never have 3. Then I was divorced and remarried whiich is not where I thought I’d be. Now I’m considering a 3rd. It’s overwhelming to consider when I’m already out of the “crazy” phase and in the pre-tween golden years. Do we put off travel and sleep for another set of the crazy years? Who knows! Kind of hoping God just decides for me! Best wishes on your journey in parenthood!!
Meghan Basinger says
That’s the best – just putting it in God’s hands. Wishing you the best whether your family is complete…or still growing 🙂 xoxo.
Becky says
I’m a proud mom to (what was once) 3 ages 3 and under. My oldest two (both boys) are 2.5 years apart, and then along came our girl 15 months later. Our house is CRAZY, but now that they are 5, 3.5, and 2, I wouldn’t have done it any other way. I’m only 32, my husband is 34, and we are so happy to be “young” parents. I can also relate to pregnancy not being carefree as we lost our first little girl (my first pregnancy) at 23 weeks. Each subsequent pregnancy was full of nerves and extra testing until each healthy baby came. The road has never been easy, and with 3 kids I don’t think it will ever be, but our house is so full of love and laughter that I wouldn’t trade it for the world….as corny as that sounds!
Meghan Basinger says
Becky – thank you so much for sharing with me. My heart breaks for you on the loss of your first. I can’t imagine what that was like and I’m sure you think about it still everyday. Your little ones are so lucky to have you – and each other. You’re my hero for having three so close in age! xoxo.
Kim says
I have 4. They are now 18, 16, 14 and 12. The younger years were hard…I’m thankful we are all still in one piece albeit physically not mentally by any means. We are still married,..20 years later. And sibling bond? It’s amazing and beautiful and melts my heart. I would’ve had more had I been younger. We live in a small 3 bedroom house where love lives and grows in these tiny rooms every day. Go for it, girl! May God bless you again.
Meghan Basinger says
Thank you for all your sweet words. You are one busy mommy raising four that close in age. Hoping I come out the other side as positive and grateful as you. xoxo.
Lois says
I still want more ? Hubby is done but I’d love to have 5 or 6. My practical side says we are done, I was honestly hoping I’d feel done after #4 came since it’s an even number and we have two of each, but i can’t deny that I don’t. So we will see what the future holds! Definitely something to think long and hard about, because having four so close in age has definitely been eye opening in terms of chaos and exhaustion lol. Your words about the sibling bond echo so true, as well. I pray my kiddos all grow up to be the best of friends!
Meghan Basinger says
You are seriously my hero, Lois. I watch all you do with 4 in tow and you’re seriously Wonder Woman. I really hope our families cross path in the near future. Would love to see you all. xoxo.
TrIni says
Yah 3 is hard.. and even if you think that your trips to Mexico will be harder to plan it might actually make you plan harder! I always stressed pre kids that I would need our time to reconnect, recharge, and miss our kids. Now 3 under 3, we took our first trip since the baby was born, and holy cow did we enjoy it and had a blast!
We thought the same thing about this phase being tough, not sleeping, and deep in diapers and tantrums but then we’ll be done and ready for the next phase without having to start over and over again. Now the baby is going to be 10 months and things are just starting to feel normal and we find ourselves enjoying more outings, alone and with all 3 kids in our van. No shame in the van game FYI!
2 to 3 kids was our hardest transition but honestly I find myself secretly thinking how 3 to 4 would be haha
Meghan Basinger says
Good for you for taking that trip! We’re the same way – we think getting away for alone time is so important and deserved. Go for four! Let me know how it is 😉
Janet says
I love this! We have 2 girls, and I would welcome another baby for sure! For us the scary part of adding another would be trivial things like losing sleep ? I mean let’s face it, is minimal at best now. I get super annoyed by the when you trying for a boy comments. We would love a boy, my husbands a 4th and the last male to carry their name. BUT, I too came from an all girl family and I wouldn’t be who I am today without my sisters!
Meghan Basinger says
So right that sleep isn’t great now anyways…so why not just go for it! And sisters really are the best!
Anna says
I’m pregnant with our third now. We were very on the fence about it. Truly not sure if we have enough patience to survive 3 kids. But here we are and already I cannot believe we almost didn’t do this. We all cannot wait for our #3 to get here. Yes there will be some crazy times ahead but that’s life – all it’s ups and downs and in-betweens. Kids don’t divide love, they multiply it.
Meghan Basinger says
Absolutely LOVE that – Kids multiple it! Well said! xoxo.
Bradleigh aiken says
Love your post- especially the part about just because you want three doesn’t mean you are trying for a boy! So many people assume! We have one girl and one boy and everyone always says since we have one of each why would we want more ?. Three is our hope as well ??
Meghan Basinger says
How fun to get to experience both – I’ll be interested to hear who wins in your family if three is in your future – the boys or the girls! xoxo.
Caylee says
Love this! 3 has always been our end goal too, so I’m praying right there with you that small weddings are the new trend in a couple decades ?
Meghan Basinger says
If not maybe we’ll shoot for the triple wedding??? Ha!